Relationships

I’ve been thinking about relationship a lot lately. More so these past few months than usual. Been thinking about my life and all the people in it. If it weren’t for relationships, I would not be here. A man and a woman came together so that I could be. Right there is the first miracle. Relationships have enabled me to be cared for and survive into adulthood. Relationships are an integral part of who I am and who I am becoming. We are all shaped for better or for worse by relationships.

I am not entirely sure what that is all about and what I am trying to write will probably sound a little messy. It is hard to put words to feelings often. Why I am thinking about all this now?
I think the holiday season has a part in this. Steve and I have just spent the past couple of days with a beloved sister-in-law and niece from Ohio. Steve’s youngest brother could not make it after all because he was on call working for a large national bank as a computer support technical person.
This particular sister-in-law is like a sister to me. We share the same birthday. She is a year younger. We have similar personalities and taste. She works in a helping/caring profession/vocation as a physical/rehab therapist in a nursing home. My whole calling as a pastor deals the complexities and intricacies and pain and joys that relationships generate. We are people persons. We share the love of learning and books. We love the outdoors and hiking. We enjoy museums. Often I start saying something or she does and we realize we were thinking the same thing. It’s really cool.
I think that I have been thinking about relationships because we are not close to any of our families. 5 hours away is the closest. My side of the family is all in France and this time of year is bittersweet because I miss them more than usual.

I have been thinking about relationships because some people around me have lost loved ones recently or are in the process of losing a loved one. I ache for them. I realize anew how precious relationships are and how quickly they can end. I realize anew how much I care about the people in my life and how too often I don’t take enough time to tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me and how much they have helped make me who I am and who I am becoming. I don’t fully understand all this.

I have been thinking about relationships because I wonder why it is that some people enter your life to stay just briefly. Why is it that some stay for a lifetime and some for just a few months or years or even a few days. I have some people in my life that I don’t want to lose yet I sense that some are slipping away. What does that mean? Is their part in my life over? Is my part is their life done? Is it done for a time or for always? Can I prevent the relationship from fading into the past? I don’t know.

I have been thinking about relationships because a friend just shared recently in a blog that after years of unease, the relationship with one of his sisters has finally become unstuck. It’s taken years of trying to sit down and talk and not being able to somehow. I don’t know the details of all this, I just remember him mentioning this several times in the course of the years that I have come to know him better and the brokenness of the relationship was obviously a source of pain for him. I could empathize with him. I do rejoice with him at this new beginning.

I have been thinking about relationships because I have experienced a renewed relationship of my own with my father over the course of spending several weeks in France this summer. I am not entirely sure how our estrangement started. I think it involved more than the two of us. It’s a whole family system thing. I am not sure what finally got the whole thing unstuck. I had been praying a lot about it. Did I change? Did he change? God had and has a part in it, I am convinced. It’s still a work in progress. So I don’t understand everything that has and is happening but I believe it is good and I am very grateful.

I have been thinking about my relationship with God and how this has become an integral part of me, and my self-concept. I have been thinking that he made us for relationships, with others, with Him. Without these we would be dead physically and spiritually. Without Him I would be more of a mess than I already am sometimes.

I am grateful beyond words this season for all the people in my life. I am not always good at saying things, too often I keep what is in my heart to myself, but I want them to know that I love them and I want to get better at saying it.

Dear God, thank you so much for all the people you sent and keep sending into my life. I don’t understand fully how we are all related, what part we play in each others lives but, help me be mindful of the people you place in my path and help me be a blessing to them. Amen!

Active Waiting

I was telling someone recently that all of my life, as far back as I could remember I have had a strong tendency to live for the future; to project my life beyond today. As I was saying that, I realized anew, to my dismay, that I am not good at being in the present. I am not good at just being, “smelling the roses” as the saying goes. Being still and enjoying the moment and the people present is often difficult for me. Sometimes I know what events in my life fostered that. Often it is a puzzle to me. But this is not the place to psychoanalyze why this is so for me.
Our western society, and maybe the world in general, is definitely not an encouraging place when comes to being still. The prevalent trend is to go, go, go… produce, produce, produce… buy, buy, buy…
If you and I embrace this message – and often we do – then Advent is a non-issue, the world around us is already in big-time Christmas mode. Just go to Wal-Mart or the mall and you will see that Christmas started in early October if not before, well… the marketers definition of Christmas that is.
As followers of Jesus, the Scripture texts that we read this season are calling us to a very different mode of operation. Instead of go, go, go… they are saying wait, wait, wait… This is a radically counter-cultural message, you know.
Most of us think of waiting as something very passive, something to endure. But there is none of this passivity in Scripture. Those who are waiting (Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary…) are waiting very actively. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it.

A waiting person is a patient person. Patience is one of the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) I probably have the most growing toward to do. Yet it is one of the most important in terms of growing in Christian maturity. A pastor friend tells me often that life/ministry is not a sprint but a marathon, it’s a long haul, life-long thing. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment becomes empty because some of us have a hard time being fully present in it. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago when we looked at a passage out of Mark 13 (referred to as the little Apocalypse). Jesus was telling his disciples that the Temple they are in awe about will not remain standing. He describes events that very much look like what we are witnessing now around us, wars and rumors of wars and earthquakes and famines… They ask a logical question” “when is this going to happen?” Jesus answers, “Take heed watch; for you do not know when the time will come.” (13:33, RSV) The point is to be awake, alert to the ways in which God will come to us. In a fearful, frazzled time, that exposes us to so much that say to be very afraid, and cover that fear by going, going, gong, buying, buying, buying… Jesus says to actively watch and wait?
So how are we to wait and watch? We watch and we wait open-endedly, not for what we want but for small signs of how God has already come into our midst – the hidden acts of love, the great acts of faith done by people we don’t even know, the daily graces that sustain us. We serve with Christ.
How are we to wait and watch? With hope, with yearning, with expectations that God’s promise is ultimately faithful and true. Whatever form his coming takes, we know that it will be the same Jesus who came to set the prisoners free, to bind up the brokenhearted, to heal the lame, and to give sight to those who cannot see. Because he has already come to us with such mercy, we can sing the Advent song, “Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus” (UMH 196).

Moving On

Well, aren’t you glad not to have as much political campaigning going on?
I’ve seen and heard enough mud throwing (oops, I mean political debates) to last me for the next four years. I will be glad if we ever have a politician who refuses to play that game and actually sticks to the issues. I have yet to find one.

I got phone calls from France congratulating me on Obama’s election. That was a little puzzling to me but it seems to me that the general sense in Europe and in the States is that folks are ready for a change and Obama seems to personify that. Even Republican Indiana voted Democrat. This is a historical vote but I hope the historicity of the vote is not based only on race.

One thing I know is that I am not as versed in the American political system as I would like to be. I guess I need to revisit my American government books and review some things that I studied in college years ago. I went to high school in France so we did not study the American political system then obviously. I need to talk more with my politically savy friends.
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Another thing I know is that I try to keep my political opinions to myself and out of the pulpit. I encourage people to register and vote though because this is a freedom and a privilege that can never be taken lightly but unfortunately too often is. I am mindful that people fought and even sometimes died for that privilege. Many people in the world still can’t vote or vote freely. It was not until 1945 that women in France could vote!

Another thing I know is that, as many others, I do not fit neatly in the Republican or Democrat camp. I have voted for people on both sides over the years based on my best understanding of their fitness for the task at hand. I prayed about my vote for the next president; I talked with friends about my thoughts and feelings, etc… It was not an easy decision but I am at peace with my voting decisions.

Now, we need to stop pitting party against party. Be glad we only have two major parties in the U.S. In France there are many more covering the extreme right and left and everything in between and it seems like there are elections for one thing or another all the time.

It is time to be united; to get back on our feet economically; to bring home, in a responsible way, our men and women who are fighting in Irak…

I am sure I am naïve but I want to help leave this world a better place. Jesus calls us to be the salt and light to the world. How do we do this? What does that look like? I think we start right where we are by touching the people around us with the love of Jesus. It means displaying love and mercy and forgiveness and a teachable spirit. I think it means we give our life away in service to others. What would Jesus do?

Stewardship and Sanctifying Grace

(I wrote this article for our November church newsletter) but wanted to share it in this blog also)

Stewardship and Sanctifying Grace: These are some of the things that have been rattling in my brain for the past several weeks, among many other things.

I think part of the reason for that is because Bethel has been conducting a stewardship campaign that is about to culminate on November 2. This would be today for those reading the church newsletter hot off the press.
According to Webster’s, a steward is “one who manages another’s property or financial affairs, one who administers anything as the agent of another or others.”

We looked at and talked about stewardship and learned or, for some of us, remembered anew that stewardship is much more than just dealing with money. If we believe that we owe God everything that we are and everything that we have, then stewardship is how we handle everything that has been entrusted to us. If that is the case (and I am convinced it is), then stewardship is also an everyday lifestyle not just something we think about a few weeks out of the year, and grudgingly go through because it’s what churches seem to do around October/November each year.

I think another reason I have been thinking about stewardship is because I have been on a low carb diet for a while (or at least trying to be. Do you know there are carbs in just about everything?!) and have lost a decent amount of weight already and I am continuing toward my weight loss goal with the help of some EGH staff/RN. I also exercise more regularly these days because I want to be and remain healthy both of body and mind.

A couple of passages that come to mind, as I am working toward going back to my wedding day girlish figure, are:
1 Corinthians 3:16-17: “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”
And verse 6:19, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

When Paul is writing this to the folks in the church in Corinth around the year 55 of our era, they are experiencing division, misunderstanding of basic Christian teachings, spiritual arrogance and sexual misconduct…His exhortation still applies to us today.

When I read these verses, I often think “my temple is in need of a facelift! :)” You know, in your 4th decade of life, your body does not react or respond as it did in your 20’s and 30’s. Somehow fat turns into super glue. It just does not budge from your middle area. So I also think these verses mean that we are called to be mindful of how we feed our bodies and our mind, both with physical food – Do we eat healthy and balance meals? - and also spiritual food. Are the things we see and hear and read uplifting to our spirit? Or do we consume spiritual junk food or even toxic food in the form of violence or/and pornography? Things that, instead of edifying and lifting us up, are bringing us down and leaving us stuck at a level where God never meant for us to be. You know how you feel when you eat too much junk food and don’t get enough sleep and don’t spend enough time with God? That “icky” feeling.

I have also been thinking about Sanctifying Grace because I was invited to give a witness of sorts as I was asked to be one of the Spiritual Directors on the upcoming November 6-9 Women’s Emmaus Walk and give the talk on Sanctifying Grace. I previewed my talk to the Emmaus Walk team this past Saturday. God has so transformed my life these past 15 years ! It is a joy and a privilege to talk about that and remember my own walk of 8 years ago.

So what does stewardship have to do with Sanctifying Grace? Is there a relationship between Stewardship and Sanctifying Grace?
I believe there is. Through Sanctifying Grace we slowly become more like Jesus, after we have said “yes” to his call to follow him. God gives us His grace throughout our lifetime to enable us to live as a faithful Christian disciple (Eph. 3:14-19).

When we become more like Jesus, I believe God’s Spirit gives us the desire to be whole, not just spiritually but physically and emotionally also. God draws us into a better stewardship of what we have been given by Him.

There are some lines in a beautiful song (“My Heart, Your Home” by the husband/wife duo known as Watermark) I sang recently which really jumped at me about this whole topic:
Go to http://www.christianitytoday.com/music/artists/watermark.html#interviews if you want to know more about Watermark (their ministry emphasis has been changing)

COME AND MAKE MY HEART YOUR HOME
COME AND BE EVERYTHING I AM AND ALL I KNOW
AND SEARCH ME THROUGH AND THROUGH
‘TIL MY HEART BECOMES A HOME FOR YOU

A HOME FOR YOU, LORD
A HOME FOR YOU, LORD
LET EVERYTHING I DO OPEN UP A DOOR FOR YOU
TO COME THROUGH
AND THAT MY HEART WOULD BE
A PLACE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

This is a prayer, you know. A prayer that links stewardship and sanctifying grace together, I think. This is my prayer for you and for me. May it be so, with God’s help. Amen!

Becoming

Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck starts his book “The Road Less Traveled” by saying, “Life is difficult”. Yes indeed. I would add “life together is difficult" but it is part of what makes it interesting and worth living too.

Relationships whether in the Church or in a marriage or a friendship can be trying and testing but I believe this is how we grow, how God shapes us. How else shall we become more like Christ, sanctified, made holy, if we are never subjected to anything challenging? How are we to learn compassion, love, forgiveness unless we are “field tested?”

A friend talked about life together tonight, especially life together as the people of God, the Church. German theologian and pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer has a whole book about some of this called “Life Together.” I've only read parts of it. I need to read it again in its entirety.

Life together as the people of God is challenging. Nothing new here. Just read the Bible and you realize that life together as the body of Christ, the Church, has never been smooth sailing. Struggles came from within and from without in the form for internal divisions, bickering… Even with Jesus we are still a bunch of goofs after all.
Challenges came from without, from economic hardship, from persecution. Persecution is still a very real issue for some of our brothers and sisters outside the United States. It is hard to imagine someone dying for their faith from the comfort of our lives here in this country. Persecution here in the US is more subtle… We don’t call it persecution. I have asked myself how I would react, what I would say if someone held a gun to my head and asked me to renounce Jesus or die.
In a less dramatic way, would I deny my Lord if that were a requirement to hold a job and survive?
Here we are challenged in other ways. A thousand subtle temptations assail us daily. Will we bow to popular and politically correct things which go contrary to the teachings and ways of Jesus? In some ways, I think we do that anyway, because we are so immersed in our culture, often despite ourselves. Some things which should never be normal and acceptable have become normal and acceptable.

There are amazing blessings in sharing our lives that, in my book, surpass the struggles of being together. My marriage has shaped me in ways that I would never have been shaped if I had not been married to my husband. The good times, the really difficult times...
Living as a follower of Jesus with other followers of Jesus has shaped me in ways I am still trying to grasp. I have been able to open my heart to another human being in ways I had never done before I had committed my life to Jesus. in ways which still surprise me sometimes, in ways which bless me because I have felt safe sharing the deeper things of my life with these couple of people. I trust them with my life. People have opened themselves to me in ways I had not experienced before. That is a precious gift that I hold very dearly. Often I have felt myself to be on Holy Ground. I am who I am and I continue to become through through people and being together.

It is hard to be real. One of my favorite books is “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams Bianco. The toy Rabbit asked the old Skin Horse, as they conversed in the nursery:
““What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. ‘Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?’
‘Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘it doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

I have hurt my friends at one time or another, never on purpose. They have hurt me at one time or another, not on purpose, often unknowingly. But we forgive and we keep loving and growing together. It is scary to allow someone to see your heart, way beyond the superficial veneer.

I am still trying to figure out some of my friends. Some don’t open their hearts easily. It’s taken years. I guess I don’t open my heart easily either. Trust must be there. It does take time. God continues to work with us and shapes us and molds us. We are all becoming through His love...