The Gift of Presence

The gift of presence: That is the recurring thought and feeling I had the whole month of December. Several people I knew, or who were related to people I know, died in December. I found myself sitting with several grieving people during the season of Advent/Christmas. I found myself sitting also with people who had lost someone dear earlier in the year and for them, this would be their first Christmas without that beloved one. Before I did my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) Chaplaincy training some years back and received a little more counseling training and before I became a pastor, I found sitting with grieving people more difficult than I do now. There was a need in me to “fix” the situation; to say something profound which somehow would take the pain away and make things “right.” I was uncomfortable with silence; with people’s pain and tears; with my own emotions being stirred by their pain. There was a need in me to “do something” and move on quickly away from the situation.

I soon realized that there was nothing I could say to take the pain away; nothing I could do to “fix” the situation; nothing I could do to bring a loved one back. I felt very helpless and inadequate.
But then people would be appreciative and often they would hug me to thank me for being there. They would say things like “it means so much that you are here.” This would puzzle me because I did not “do anything”, I was just there. And then I started to have a better understanding of the gift of presence; the gift of listening; the gift of holding someone when they cry… This gift comes into fuller fruition with the ability to be present to the moment.

Nowadays, I don’t mind silence so much; I don’t feel the need to “fix” things as I used to. I receive the emotions that people share with me with gratitude and hold their pain, and vulnerability and trust as a precious, fragile gift. I receive the emotions that others’ pain foster in me with awe because it means that God gave me a heart and the ability to care deeply. Being able to be present when people go through the tough moments in life is incredibly humbling.

I have been the recipient of the gift of presence recently as I am undergoing tests and am now waiting for the results. God is incredibly present throught people and the words of comfort they give, even when most don't know what a blessing they are.

I think about this gift of presence as we celebrated Advent and the Christmas season. I think about it as I look at this new year ahead of us. I believe there is a longing in all of us for this Presence which offers what the world cannot offer. We sang “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” (one of my favorite Advent hymns). There is a verse that we rarely sing which says, “O come, thou Key of David, come, and open wide our heavenly home. The captive from their prison free, and conquer death’s deep misery.”
This season, but also all year long, we must tell the world that this Presence who transforms, heals and sets people free from their man-made prison and from death is Jesus. We tell the folks we come in contact with through the way we live, through the way we love; through the way we give and through the way we die.



I am not sure where the tradition of making New Year’s resolutions comes from. In years past I used to make the resolution to loose weight (along with half the nation I am sure) and after February I soon gave that up. It will happen. It is happening but it is no longer a New Year’s resolution.
My resolution and prayer this year and every year to come is to become ever more present to people and be more open to the Presence, Jesus. He is the gift of Presence. The One we long for. Amen.

HisSpace.com

12/28/08 sermon - Luke 2:41-52

You know I am realizing a little more every day that I am getting older and that there are a lot of things around me that I don’t quite get but that I find fascinating nevertheless. A couple of these things are iPods and MP3s (I guess these are the same thing, aren’t they?): I remember buying LPs (33 rpm) and 45s (you know, the vinyl records with a big hole in the middle). I remember when cassette tapes were big and then when they faded away as old dinosaurs when the CDs came out. Now you can’t even give these things away. I guess I was good this year because I got an MP3 player for Christmas! :) I spent some time these past few days charging it and learning how to load songs into it. Pretty cool!

The other thing I find interesting is the phenomenon of websites like MySpace.com and Facebook and Blogs. Somewhere in cyberspace I have a MySpace account. That one was started for me by a youth at a former church I served a couple of years back. I have been invited by several friends to sign into Facebook. So I have one of those too somewhere. The sad part is that I am not sure how to get back on these accounts or how to post anything there. I have a blog now also you know. The good news is that I know where that blog account is and I know how to post texts, and pictures and videos on there too. Whether anybody is looking at my blog is another story. I learned to text from my cell phone this year too. (our youth is looking at me funny by then, like duh...) Communication sure has changed since I was a teen. These are signposts for a relational revolution which I think already started with emails.

Sites like MySpace or Facebook are sites where anyone can post information, pictures, preferences and musing by and about themselves.
On a quick aside, I read in a 12/17/08 Elkhart Truth article that an Australian court has ruled in favor of a mortgage lender using Facebook to contact delinquent payers. I wonder how long it will be before this is legal in America. Makes you think twice about using MySpace or Facebook, doesn’t it?)

While these are designed for people 16 or older, increasing numbers of preteens have been logging on too, declaring or manufacturing their identities for the world to see. On the surface, it seems kind of innocuous. Users can arrange themselves into groups by interest, musical preferences, hobbies, schools and the like. The interactions take place in ways that our kids love and that PC (that would be Pre-Computer – I fall in that category – yikes!) mistrust to varying degrees. On an aside I remember sitting in front of my first computer, an early Apple computer, in business school, holding a floppy diskette and wondering what to do with it. This was 1983 or 84.
Blogs, instant messaging, chat rooms, MySpace and Facebook: In a sense, these have created a virtual community where everyone can participate. The danger we are finding more and more is when predators, like child molestors and pedophiles, enter these sites and pretend to be what they are not. And that is one of the problems some parents and educators have with this. Anyone can participate and not everyone is whom they say they are.

Everyone’s identity is self-generated, which encourages embellishment at the least and outright falsehood at the most. Places like MySpace tap into one of the key tasks of childhood, adolescence and young adulthood, which is discovering one’s identity. Laura Kastner, a Seattle-based adolescent psychologist, says that the popularity of MySpace among young teens “makes perfect sense developmentally because of their burgeoning identity. They can try out different identities and make them up along the way.”



One almost teen we find today in our Scripture text is Jesus and he is growing into his identity and trying to figure things out like any other young person. This is an important passage in the gospel story. At that time, it was laid down by law that every adult male Jew who lived within twenty miles of Jerusalem must attend the Passover feast (The celebration of the Jews being liberated from slavery in Egypt after the Spirit came over the country and killed every first born child of each family, except for the families which had smeared lamb’s blood over their door frame and thus were sparred.) In fact it was the aim of every Jew in all the world at least once in a lifetime to attend that feast. A Jewish boy became a man when he was 12 years old. Then he became a son of the law and had to take the obligations of the law upon him. So at 12 Jesus, for the first time, went to the Passover celebration. Can you imagine what that must have felt like to be in the big city of Jerusalem during Passover for the first time for this country boy? All the sounds and smells and the cheer number of people present. And experiencing the Temple and the sacrifices… This is the only boyhood story of Jesus that is recorded in the canonized (accepted) Scripture. There are some crazy stories found in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas.
(see http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/infancythomas.html)

When his parents returned home, Jesus lingered behind.
On an aside (I know, another one), I always wondered how come Jesus’ parents did not miss him until they were a day’s travel out of town. But they were not as careless as might first appear to us. Large groups traveled together. Usually the women in a caravan started out much earlier than the men for they traveled more slowly. The men started later and traveled faster and the two sections would not meet until the evening encampment was reached. It was Jesus’ first Passover. No doubt Joseph thought he was with Mary and Mary thought that Jesus was with Joseph.

For the Passover season it was the custom for the Sanhedrin (the High Jewish Court) to meet in public in the Temple court to discuss, in the presence of all who would listen, religious and theological questions. It was there that Mary and Joseph found Jesus. Luke says that he sat among the religious teachers, listening to them and asking questions. (v. 2:46) He is trying to figure who he is and we realize that he has started to find out. When Mary asks, “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere” (v. 48), Jesus answered in the most natural way, as if the whole thing was obvious, “But why did you need to search? Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (v. 49)

What we learn from a 12 year old! Not only was he starting to understand WHO is was but he also understood WHOSE he was early on. This is a good reminder for our children but also for all of us adults: Our real identity, our authentic self are not something we create. Instead, we find our true value and purpose in vital relationship with God. What we’re talking about here is not our need for self-invention or reinvention, it’s about the discovery of self that can be fully realized only through relationship with God through Jesus. It’s when we move from MySpace to HisSpace that we discover who we really are and who we are destined to become.

I got an email invitation a few days ago from a friend inviting me along with others friends to join an online-based book group. As I understand it, the discussions, instead of happening face to face, would happen online. I will have to think about that one for a little while. For one, I am trying to get back to a book group I belonged to but stop attending because of my ordination work and too many moves. My other hesitation is that I spend too much time on the internet and e-mails already. I need more face to face contacts and relationships with people.



I believe that the proliferation of sites like MySpace and Facebook and blogs are an indication that we are a relationship-starved society. Things move too fast. People are too busy and our attempt to connect on-line tells me that people are more lonely and more disconnected than ever before. Families are fragmented and distant (geographically and emotionally). Email can be a great thing but it seems to me that people are also trying to feel connected, to feel a sense of belonging, by forming virtual families and friends. There is something a little sad about that. I believe the local church can fill that void and that hunger for relationship and provide a real community instead of a virtual one.

While I can understand how MySpace and Facebook can be a lot of fun - with proper attention to security risks - it cannot define who or whose we are. Virtual relationships on the web can never replace genuine, face to face, heart to heart relationships, especially with the One who made us and love us more than anybody possibly can.

As we are about to enter a new year, I think we need to ask ourselves who we are and who we will be but most importantly we need to ask ourselves WHOSE we are and WHOSE we will be.

Jesus chose to base his identity on the Father and to follow His Father’s will. Will you?
Amen.

Punching Holes in the Darkness

Can you wear out a CD by playing it over and over again? There are a couples of songs from the group Casting Crowns' Christmas album that I have played over and over in my car as I am driving here and there. "I heard the bells on Christmas day" is one of them. Check out the video. It is not a new song. Henry W. Longfellow wrote the words after a series of absolutely heart-crushing losses.
Casting Crowns version has touched me at a level that I can't quite put into words. The kind of words, the kind of music which make me feel like singing along at the top of my lungs and drop down on my knees at the same time. The part that says "God is not dead, nor does He sleeps" sends good chills down my spine. A breath of fresh air in my lungs. Do you understand that?
Well, I sang my heart out in the car and I had a ball. Did not care a bit what people might think as I am driving by. I am worshipping and I worship best when I sing.

To me these songs capture what we are celebrating this season of Christmas, but not only this season, I hope, but all year long: The answer to the deepest longing of the human heart; A piercing light in the darkness of this crazy world; A light which lights the most broken corners of our souls... A light that reminds us that we are not alone. Jesus!

This has been an incredible month of Advent/Christmas. I had the priviledge of sitting with people as they died; to sit with the families as they mourned; to officiate at a celebration of life for a former parishioner... There is something incrediby precious and humbling about being allowed in at these times.




God is with us. God is for us. God is in us. Emmanuel! That's the other song I have worshipped with these past few weeks.
I sat and worshipped at a longest night/blue Christmas service offered by a local church just a few days ago. I talked with a couple of people I had never met before the service and they opened up some about what brought them there. We were all linked by losses but in the midst of our pain we wanted to trust/we trusted deep down that there is hope. THERE IS HOPE! God is with us. God is for us. God is in us. Emmanuel!

Our service at the church that I serve was wonderful last night. We are small. We don't have the bells and whistles of other bigger congregations but it did not matter. The service was beautiful in its simplicity. The words of the greatest story ever told resonated in our hearts. The tunes of familiar carols echoed in the sanctuary. We were on holy ground. Our faces glowed by candlelight.

I attended another service at the church my grandmother Dorothy attended when she was alive; the church where I heard Jesus calling me and where I responded in fear and trepidation not knowing what was in store (God knew to give me just enough at a time or I would have ran the other way more than likely); the church where a beloved mentor and friend is serviing. It is a much bigger church and their last evening service was wonderful too. We shared bread and juice. The act of coming forth and holding my hand out to receive the elements as I watch the servers' faces always touches me in a deep place. The taste and texture of the bread and the sweetness of the juice combine on my tongue and remind me that Jesus gave his life for me and he keeps giving me Life. God is with us. God is for us. God is in us. Emmanuel!
As we lit our small candles for candlelight, my pastor friend reminded us that we are not only doing this because it is pretty - And it is beautiful whether 80 people are present or 500 - but we do this as a symbol of the light of Jesus coming to punch holes in the darkness.
I thought, YES! But we are the bearers of Jesus' light. Let's not stop at candles in a sanctury, OK? Let US BE the light of the world. Let the light God has placed in us burst forth out of us in the way we live; the way we love; the way we serve; the way we die!

Maybe this is as simple sometimes as visiting folks. I was tired before our worship service yesterday. I told myself I was going to rest all afternoon after being in the church office in the morning making sure things were ready for the evening and the following Sunday. Instead I found myself trying to get one more thing in. Frankly my heart was not really in it at the beginning.
I visited an elderly couple who are members of our church and shut-ins. Had a fruit basket put together by our missions women for them. They don't have much. Tiny house. Simple folks. We shared communion. My sense of tiredness started to lift from witnessing their sense of contentment despite a lot of health issues and meager resources; their gratitude at being alive despite their struggles overwhelmed me.

My last visit of the day was with an 84 year old man, a friend of my Dad's for the last almost 60 years. A former American GI who landed on the beaches of Normandy. He retired out west but is now back in town to be closer to family. Has a hard time adapting to his new surrounding at a local nursing home. I've known of him since I was 8. He never married. Has no kids. Used to teach German and French at a local military academy before retiring. As I talked with him, his mood lifted. We shared a chocolate from the package I had brought. Good chocolate not the cheap stuff. Savored it. Made it last on our tongue as we reminisced of better times for him. As I was ready to leave after a long talk, he started choking up and his eyes welled up. He held my hand as if he were not going to let it go. Said that his day was finishing better than it had started because of the visit.
A little light in the darkness. God is with us. God is for us. God is in us. Emmanuel!

Growing in Grace

Philippians 1:3-11; Luke 3:1-6 - This is an abreviated form of the sermon I preached at Bethel UMC on 12-7-08

A couple of verses have been with me all this past week: “Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.” These words come out of Luke 3:4 and are originally from Isaiah 40:3 as the prophet predicted the coming of John the Baptist, who in turn announced the coming of Jesus. The other verse, which has been rattling in my brain, is out of Philippians 1:6, Paul’s letter to the Christians of Philippi (northern Greece): “And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.” (NLT)

As I look at the frozen and white world outside my study window and ponder on the events of my week, I turn these words in my mind and heart and realize anew several things that I will try to verbalize and share with you:

1 – Do you realize what an incredible story the Bible is? We have a God in whose image we are made. He gave us life. He came in the flesh in Jesus born of a virgin. He lived among us in the flesh. He gave his life for love, a love we will never totally wrap our heads around this side of Heaven. He rose again from the dead and lives again in us through the Spirit. He gave us His Word also so that we would have life abundant and eternal. Does this not just totally blow you away!?

2 - The other thing I realized again, in a new way, is that Jesus came to ordinary people, people like you and me.
Our passage in Luke starts by listing all the important people who were alive at the time John the Baptist was ready to start his prophetic ministry. In a short passage Luke manages to give us panoramic view of who the big wigs were at the time. He mentions the emperor Tiberius, the successor of the emperor Augustus. Luke mentions Pontius Pilate who was in power as Roman governor of Judea from A.D. 25 to A.D. 37. His arrival in Judea was actually the result of the Jews asking Rome for help in removing Archelaus – ruler of Judea, Samaria and Edom - the fourth son of Herod the Great. History remembers Archelaus as a thoroughly bad king. The high priest was at the same time the civil and the religious head of the community. Annas was actually high-priest from A.D. 7 to 14 so at the time he is out of office. His son-in-law, Caiphas, was in office, with Annas still a huge power behind the post.

After naming all these powerful people, we read that the word of God came to John. You remember John, the son of Zechariah the priest and of Elizabeth. Not what you would consider a big shaker and mover in the world. We’re not sure how John heard from God, but we soon find him preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sin in the desert and by the Jordan River.
The Christians in the church at Philippi were not big movers and shakers either but Paul writes to them and about them in a most personal letter. Paul’s letter just overflows with joy and love for those people. You can read more about the church at Philippi in Act 16. Philippi, a Roman colony, was where Paul had planted the first church on European soil, probably around A.D. 50., during his second missionary journey. The joyful and intimate tones of the letter are remarkable when you realize that Paul was under house arrest in Rome, while he awaited trial (4:10-18). This is a “thank-you” letter to the Philippians. They had been sending money to Paul to help defray his living expenses as he was imprisoned. It is also a letter of encouragement for them to continue to grow; for them to beware of false teachers and to urge them to greater unity among themselves.

Prepare the way for the Lord: What does that look like in your life and my life? How do we make straight paths for God to work on our heart? I think the first step is to recognize that you and I need God. We need to come to the realization that we were not meant to do life on our own. In our culture of self-reliant independence, not too many people, including yours truly, like to hear about needing anyone besides ourselves. But you and I cannot follow Jesus if we don’t recognize His lead. Along with that comes a surrendering of control. Again, not a popular concept in our society. The saying goes that if God is your co-pilot, you need to switch seat. The Christian word for this is repentance, turning away from ourselves and what takes precedence before God and turning toward God.

Make straight paths for him…: I think what Isaiah and John the Baptist mean here is that you and I need to look at what is tripping us up. What is preventing us from truly following Jesus? Do we control our tongue or does our tongue control us through gossips? Are you and I behaving in ways that are destructive both for ourselves and others; In ways that grieve the heart of God? Are you and I involved in relationships that are damaging and contrary to God’s will for our lives? Are you and I holding on to stuff that are preventing us from following Jesus? Are you and I treating and loving others like we want to be treated and loved; as Jesus models for us?

The stuff you and I are holding on to is not necessarily material things but it could also be hurt. Maybe we are chewing on the wound someone has inflicted to us long ago and we can’t get past the hurt. Maybe we are holding on to destructive pride. Maybe we refuse to forgive… What are you holding on to?
Jesus says that he came so we would have abundant life and live to the fullest extent. Holding on to stuff or hurts prevents us from experiencing the life God meant for us to have.

Paul writes, “And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.” (Phil. 1: 6, NLT). A life that is touched by Jesus should be a transformed life, a life that bears fruit. Galatians 5:22 talks about these fruit. Some of the fruits displayed by growing Christians should be, “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Are you cringing? I am because I fall short on many of these areas, especially patience. They are called Fruit of the Spirit because you and I cannot reach these on our own. When people look at us - see us live, hear us talk - can they tell we are followers of Jesus? Are we displaying fruit?
Did you notice that out of all the fruit of the Spirit, love is listed first? A mentor was telling me of a blessing he had heard a pastor offer to a group of other pastors a while back. Part of the blessing said, “Love like you have never been hurt.” When he said that I immediately thought of Jesus as he was nailed to that cross, in more pain than I can imagine, and yet he asked his Father to forgive us. You and I are called to love like that and we can’t love like that without Jesus working on our heart on a daily basis and without us being open to the Spirit’s working.

Some of us have said “yes” to Jesus but then like a seed being chocked by weeds, we stopped growing. We stopped bearing fruit. The busyness and worries of this world get the best of us. Our faith gets anemic. For some of us the seeds have grown dormant. Some of us are asleep. Pastor Maxie Dunnam, who was the president of Asbury Seminary in Kentucky, tells of a 3-year old little girl who fell out of bed in the middle of the night. Her cries awaken her mother in the next room and the mother runs hurriedly to her little girl’s room. She gathers her little child in her arms and attempts to kiss away the tears. Finally, she asks her little girl, “Honey, what happened?” Through sniffles and with tears still running down her cheeks, the little girl replies, “Mommy, I guess I fell asleep too close to where I got in.”

That’s the way it is with too many of us Christians. We went to sleep too close to where we got in. This results in lukewarm Christians, at best. We think that after we are justified, after we say “yes” to Jesus then we are home free. We think that we have our fire insurance policy and we’re done. But saying “yes” is the beginning of the journey. When we say we are Christians, followers of Jesus Christ, can people tell? We are called to make a difference in Jesus’ name around us, in this world. Are we? You and I are work in progress for sure but we are to grow in grace through Christ. Growth in grace is attractive. Are you and I attracting people to faith in Jesus and are people indifferent or even repulsed by what they see in us?

A friend was recounting the story of Mary being told by an angel that she would carry and give birth to the Son of God. And that angel told Mary not to be afraid (Luke 2). On an aside, have you noticed that pretty much every time an angel appears in a biblical story, the angel says not to be afraid. I am not certain but this could be to appease the heart and mind of those people who were steeped in the Old Testament belief that if you saw the face of God you would die. Or maybe the angels preface their announcements with “do not be afraid” because what they announce usually means change, big change, but they want to also remind us that we will not face those changes alone.

My friend wondered why we do not seem to see angels anymore; Those angels who talked to Mary and sang to the shepherds to announce the birth of a Savior in Bethlehem. Where have the angels gone? Then my friend asked out loud, “what if you and I are the angels? What if God is waiting on us to deliver His message?”

I don’t know about you but I do have some angels in my life right now helping me negotiate the changes in my life; reminding me of God’s presence. They don’t wear white robes. They don’t have wings or a halo above their heads. No, my angels wear Dockers and sweaters. My angels wear suits and dresses. Do you have angels in your life? Are you an angel in someone else’s life?

“Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.” We are waiting for Jesus. If he came today, what would he find? Would he find people who are asleep and bored or people who are fully awake and growing in grace?

Life's Simple Little Pleasures

My husband Steve and I love cats. We have three: Two that we adopted from shelters and one that adopted us. Fluffy is 15 and she is a Texas cat. She’s done a lot of moving with us. PT is 3 (she looks just like Tacha, our 17 year old cat we had to put to sleep in 2005 because her kidneys were failing and the vet told us that was nothing more to do for her. We did have her anointed by a pastor friend and she lived 9 more months). PT was adopted from the Elkhart shelter and Salem is 4 and she adopted us. Fluffy can be a little cranky but otherwise we have the best dispositionned cats one could ever hope for.

One of the most delicious moments in my week is when I get to sit in my recliner on Sunday afternoon to read or take a nap. Invariably Salem comes to sit on me, or between my feet and she wants to be loved on for a while, or she just sits by me, watches me and purrs. There is something about petting a purring cat that is very soothing and calming.

I said that Salem adopted us and that is true. She showed up 3 years ago when I was serving a church in Granger. She was thin, very hungry and smelled of old garage rags because we found out that she slept in the neighbors’ old barn. After checking with these neighbors and others and finding out that no one was claiming her, we kept her. She is the sweetest cat. We named her Salem because she is all black, except for a little white on her chest and tummy and she “adopted” us a couple weeks before Halloween in 2005. She was also named after the church I served.

I love all our cats but there is a special bond with Salem. She seems to intuitively know when I need company and when I need to be left alone. Besides sitting on the recliner with me, she often comes into my office at home and sits on the desk by my laptop and watches me write. Once in a while she decides that I need a break from working so she purposefully lays on my sermon notes or my Bible and demands to be loved.

I remember a conversation some students and I had with one of our seminary professors several years ago about whether pets were going to Heaven or not. This professor said that it was bad theology to believe that pets would go to Heaven. All the students disagreed. If God created all living things why wouldn’t beloved animals go to Heaven? And if Heaven is Heaven, how can pets (along with Starbucks coffee and Belgian chocolates and good books :) ) not be part of it?

Revelation 5:13 talks about every creature in Heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea singing praises to the Lamb and I think Salem and PT and Fluffy will be in the bunch.

Relationships

I’ve been thinking about relationship a lot lately. More so these past few months than usual. Been thinking about my life and all the people in it. If it weren’t for relationships, I would not be here. A man and a woman came together so that I could be. Right there is the first miracle. Relationships have enabled me to be cared for and survive into adulthood. Relationships are an integral part of who I am and who I am becoming. We are all shaped for better or for worse by relationships.

I am not entirely sure what that is all about and what I am trying to write will probably sound a little messy. It is hard to put words to feelings often. Why I am thinking about all this now?
I think the holiday season has a part in this. Steve and I have just spent the past couple of days with a beloved sister-in-law and niece from Ohio. Steve’s youngest brother could not make it after all because he was on call working for a large national bank as a computer support technical person.
This particular sister-in-law is like a sister to me. We share the same birthday. She is a year younger. We have similar personalities and taste. She works in a helping/caring profession/vocation as a physical/rehab therapist in a nursing home. My whole calling as a pastor deals the complexities and intricacies and pain and joys that relationships generate. We are people persons. We share the love of learning and books. We love the outdoors and hiking. We enjoy museums. Often I start saying something or she does and we realize we were thinking the same thing. It’s really cool.
I think that I have been thinking about relationships because we are not close to any of our families. 5 hours away is the closest. My side of the family is all in France and this time of year is bittersweet because I miss them more than usual.

I have been thinking about relationships because some people around me have lost loved ones recently or are in the process of losing a loved one. I ache for them. I realize anew how precious relationships are and how quickly they can end. I realize anew how much I care about the people in my life and how too often I don’t take enough time to tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me and how much they have helped make me who I am and who I am becoming. I don’t fully understand all this.

I have been thinking about relationships because I wonder why it is that some people enter your life to stay just briefly. Why is it that some stay for a lifetime and some for just a few months or years or even a few days. I have some people in my life that I don’t want to lose yet I sense that some are slipping away. What does that mean? Is their part in my life over? Is my part is their life done? Is it done for a time or for always? Can I prevent the relationship from fading into the past? I don’t know.

I have been thinking about relationships because a friend just shared recently in a blog that after years of unease, the relationship with one of his sisters has finally become unstuck. It’s taken years of trying to sit down and talk and not being able to somehow. I don’t know the details of all this, I just remember him mentioning this several times in the course of the years that I have come to know him better and the brokenness of the relationship was obviously a source of pain for him. I could empathize with him. I do rejoice with him at this new beginning.

I have been thinking about relationships because I have experienced a renewed relationship of my own with my father over the course of spending several weeks in France this summer. I am not entirely sure how our estrangement started. I think it involved more than the two of us. It’s a whole family system thing. I am not sure what finally got the whole thing unstuck. I had been praying a lot about it. Did I change? Did he change? God had and has a part in it, I am convinced. It’s still a work in progress. So I don’t understand everything that has and is happening but I believe it is good and I am very grateful.

I have been thinking about my relationship with God and how this has become an integral part of me, and my self-concept. I have been thinking that he made us for relationships, with others, with Him. Without these we would be dead physically and spiritually. Without Him I would be more of a mess than I already am sometimes.

I am grateful beyond words this season for all the people in my life. I am not always good at saying things, too often I keep what is in my heart to myself, but I want them to know that I love them and I want to get better at saying it.

Dear God, thank you so much for all the people you sent and keep sending into my life. I don’t understand fully how we are all related, what part we play in each others lives but, help me be mindful of the people you place in my path and help me be a blessing to them. Amen!

Active Waiting

I was telling someone recently that all of my life, as far back as I could remember I have had a strong tendency to live for the future; to project my life beyond today. As I was saying that, I realized anew, to my dismay, that I am not good at being in the present. I am not good at just being, “smelling the roses” as the saying goes. Being still and enjoying the moment and the people present is often difficult for me. Sometimes I know what events in my life fostered that. Often it is a puzzle to me. But this is not the place to psychoanalyze why this is so for me.
Our western society, and maybe the world in general, is definitely not an encouraging place when comes to being still. The prevalent trend is to go, go, go… produce, produce, produce… buy, buy, buy…
If you and I embrace this message – and often we do – then Advent is a non-issue, the world around us is already in big-time Christmas mode. Just go to Wal-Mart or the mall and you will see that Christmas started in early October if not before, well… the marketers definition of Christmas that is.
As followers of Jesus, the Scripture texts that we read this season are calling us to a very different mode of operation. Instead of go, go, go… they are saying wait, wait, wait… This is a radically counter-cultural message, you know.
Most of us think of waiting as something very passive, something to endure. But there is none of this passivity in Scripture. Those who are waiting (Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary…) are waiting very actively. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it.

A waiting person is a patient person. Patience is one of the fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22) I probably have the most growing toward to do. Yet it is one of the most important in terms of growing in Christian maturity. A pastor friend tells me often that life/ministry is not a sprint but a marathon, it’s a long haul, life-long thing. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment becomes empty because some of us have a hard time being fully present in it. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago when we looked at a passage out of Mark 13 (referred to as the little Apocalypse). Jesus was telling his disciples that the Temple they are in awe about will not remain standing. He describes events that very much look like what we are witnessing now around us, wars and rumors of wars and earthquakes and famines… They ask a logical question” “when is this going to happen?” Jesus answers, “Take heed watch; for you do not know when the time will come.” (13:33, RSV) The point is to be awake, alert to the ways in which God will come to us. In a fearful, frazzled time, that exposes us to so much that say to be very afraid, and cover that fear by going, going, gong, buying, buying, buying… Jesus says to actively watch and wait?
So how are we to wait and watch? We watch and we wait open-endedly, not for what we want but for small signs of how God has already come into our midst – the hidden acts of love, the great acts of faith done by people we don’t even know, the daily graces that sustain us. We serve with Christ.
How are we to wait and watch? With hope, with yearning, with expectations that God’s promise is ultimately faithful and true. Whatever form his coming takes, we know that it will be the same Jesus who came to set the prisoners free, to bind up the brokenhearted, to heal the lame, and to give sight to those who cannot see. Because he has already come to us with such mercy, we can sing the Advent song, “Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus” (UMH 196).

Moving On

Well, aren’t you glad not to have as much political campaigning going on?
I’ve seen and heard enough mud throwing (oops, I mean political debates) to last me for the next four years. I will be glad if we ever have a politician who refuses to play that game and actually sticks to the issues. I have yet to find one.

I got phone calls from France congratulating me on Obama’s election. That was a little puzzling to me but it seems to me that the general sense in Europe and in the States is that folks are ready for a change and Obama seems to personify that. Even Republican Indiana voted Democrat. This is a historical vote but I hope the historicity of the vote is not based only on race.

One thing I know is that I am not as versed in the American political system as I would like to be. I guess I need to revisit my American government books and review some things that I studied in college years ago. I went to high school in France so we did not study the American political system then obviously. I need to talk more with my politically savy friends.
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Another thing I know is that I try to keep my political opinions to myself and out of the pulpit. I encourage people to register and vote though because this is a freedom and a privilege that can never be taken lightly but unfortunately too often is. I am mindful that people fought and even sometimes died for that privilege. Many people in the world still can’t vote or vote freely. It was not until 1945 that women in France could vote!

Another thing I know is that, as many others, I do not fit neatly in the Republican or Democrat camp. I have voted for people on both sides over the years based on my best understanding of their fitness for the task at hand. I prayed about my vote for the next president; I talked with friends about my thoughts and feelings, etc… It was not an easy decision but I am at peace with my voting decisions.

Now, we need to stop pitting party against party. Be glad we only have two major parties in the U.S. In France there are many more covering the extreme right and left and everything in between and it seems like there are elections for one thing or another all the time.

It is time to be united; to get back on our feet economically; to bring home, in a responsible way, our men and women who are fighting in Irak…

I am sure I am naïve but I want to help leave this world a better place. Jesus calls us to be the salt and light to the world. How do we do this? What does that look like? I think we start right where we are by touching the people around us with the love of Jesus. It means displaying love and mercy and forgiveness and a teachable spirit. I think it means we give our life away in service to others. What would Jesus do?

Stewardship and Sanctifying Grace

(I wrote this article for our November church newsletter) but wanted to share it in this blog also)

Stewardship and Sanctifying Grace: These are some of the things that have been rattling in my brain for the past several weeks, among many other things.

I think part of the reason for that is because Bethel has been conducting a stewardship campaign that is about to culminate on November 2. This would be today for those reading the church newsletter hot off the press.
According to Webster’s, a steward is “one who manages another’s property or financial affairs, one who administers anything as the agent of another or others.”

We looked at and talked about stewardship and learned or, for some of us, remembered anew that stewardship is much more than just dealing with money. If we believe that we owe God everything that we are and everything that we have, then stewardship is how we handle everything that has been entrusted to us. If that is the case (and I am convinced it is), then stewardship is also an everyday lifestyle not just something we think about a few weeks out of the year, and grudgingly go through because it’s what churches seem to do around October/November each year.

I think another reason I have been thinking about stewardship is because I have been on a low carb diet for a while (or at least trying to be. Do you know there are carbs in just about everything?!) and have lost a decent amount of weight already and I am continuing toward my weight loss goal with the help of some EGH staff/RN. I also exercise more regularly these days because I want to be and remain healthy both of body and mind.

A couple of passages that come to mind, as I am working toward going back to my wedding day girlish figure, are:
1 Corinthians 3:16-17: “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.”
And verse 6:19, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

When Paul is writing this to the folks in the church in Corinth around the year 55 of our era, they are experiencing division, misunderstanding of basic Christian teachings, spiritual arrogance and sexual misconduct…His exhortation still applies to us today.

When I read these verses, I often think “my temple is in need of a facelift! :)” You know, in your 4th decade of life, your body does not react or respond as it did in your 20’s and 30’s. Somehow fat turns into super glue. It just does not budge from your middle area. So I also think these verses mean that we are called to be mindful of how we feed our bodies and our mind, both with physical food – Do we eat healthy and balance meals? - and also spiritual food. Are the things we see and hear and read uplifting to our spirit? Or do we consume spiritual junk food or even toxic food in the form of violence or/and pornography? Things that, instead of edifying and lifting us up, are bringing us down and leaving us stuck at a level where God never meant for us to be. You know how you feel when you eat too much junk food and don’t get enough sleep and don’t spend enough time with God? That “icky” feeling.

I have also been thinking about Sanctifying Grace because I was invited to give a witness of sorts as I was asked to be one of the Spiritual Directors on the upcoming November 6-9 Women’s Emmaus Walk and give the talk on Sanctifying Grace. I previewed my talk to the Emmaus Walk team this past Saturday. God has so transformed my life these past 15 years ! It is a joy and a privilege to talk about that and remember my own walk of 8 years ago.

So what does stewardship have to do with Sanctifying Grace? Is there a relationship between Stewardship and Sanctifying Grace?
I believe there is. Through Sanctifying Grace we slowly become more like Jesus, after we have said “yes” to his call to follow him. God gives us His grace throughout our lifetime to enable us to live as a faithful Christian disciple (Eph. 3:14-19).

When we become more like Jesus, I believe God’s Spirit gives us the desire to be whole, not just spiritually but physically and emotionally also. God draws us into a better stewardship of what we have been given by Him.

There are some lines in a beautiful song (“My Heart, Your Home” by the husband/wife duo known as Watermark) I sang recently which really jumped at me about this whole topic:
Go to http://www.christianitytoday.com/music/artists/watermark.html#interviews if you want to know more about Watermark (their ministry emphasis has been changing)

COME AND MAKE MY HEART YOUR HOME
COME AND BE EVERYTHING I AM AND ALL I KNOW
AND SEARCH ME THROUGH AND THROUGH
‘TIL MY HEART BECOMES A HOME FOR YOU

A HOME FOR YOU, LORD
A HOME FOR YOU, LORD
LET EVERYTHING I DO OPEN UP A DOOR FOR YOU
TO COME THROUGH
AND THAT MY HEART WOULD BE
A PLACE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

This is a prayer, you know. A prayer that links stewardship and sanctifying grace together, I think. This is my prayer for you and for me. May it be so, with God’s help. Amen!

Becoming

Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck starts his book “The Road Less Traveled” by saying, “Life is difficult”. Yes indeed. I would add “life together is difficult" but it is part of what makes it interesting and worth living too.

Relationships whether in the Church or in a marriage or a friendship can be trying and testing but I believe this is how we grow, how God shapes us. How else shall we become more like Christ, sanctified, made holy, if we are never subjected to anything challenging? How are we to learn compassion, love, forgiveness unless we are “field tested?”

A friend talked about life together tonight, especially life together as the people of God, the Church. German theologian and pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer has a whole book about some of this called “Life Together.” I've only read parts of it. I need to read it again in its entirety.

Life together as the people of God is challenging. Nothing new here. Just read the Bible and you realize that life together as the body of Christ, the Church, has never been smooth sailing. Struggles came from within and from without in the form for internal divisions, bickering… Even with Jesus we are still a bunch of goofs after all.
Challenges came from without, from economic hardship, from persecution. Persecution is still a very real issue for some of our brothers and sisters outside the United States. It is hard to imagine someone dying for their faith from the comfort of our lives here in this country. Persecution here in the US is more subtle… We don’t call it persecution. I have asked myself how I would react, what I would say if someone held a gun to my head and asked me to renounce Jesus or die.
In a less dramatic way, would I deny my Lord if that were a requirement to hold a job and survive?
Here we are challenged in other ways. A thousand subtle temptations assail us daily. Will we bow to popular and politically correct things which go contrary to the teachings and ways of Jesus? In some ways, I think we do that anyway, because we are so immersed in our culture, often despite ourselves. Some things which should never be normal and acceptable have become normal and acceptable.

There are amazing blessings in sharing our lives that, in my book, surpass the struggles of being together. My marriage has shaped me in ways that I would never have been shaped if I had not been married to my husband. The good times, the really difficult times...
Living as a follower of Jesus with other followers of Jesus has shaped me in ways I am still trying to grasp. I have been able to open my heart to another human being in ways I had never done before I had committed my life to Jesus. in ways which still surprise me sometimes, in ways which bless me because I have felt safe sharing the deeper things of my life with these couple of people. I trust them with my life. People have opened themselves to me in ways I had not experienced before. That is a precious gift that I hold very dearly. Often I have felt myself to be on Holy Ground. I am who I am and I continue to become through through people and being together.

It is hard to be real. One of my favorite books is “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams Bianco. The toy Rabbit asked the old Skin Horse, as they conversed in the nursery:
““What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. ‘Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?’
‘Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’
‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’
‘it doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

I have hurt my friends at one time or another, never on purpose. They have hurt me at one time or another, not on purpose, often unknowingly. But we forgive and we keep loving and growing together. It is scary to allow someone to see your heart, way beyond the superficial veneer.

I am still trying to figure out some of my friends. Some don’t open their hearts easily. It’s taken years. I guess I don’t open my heart easily either. Trust must be there. It does take time. God continues to work with us and shapes us and molds us. We are all becoming through His love...

Blogging

It seems like everybody is blogging these days. I was wondering when I started this a few weeks back why I blog. Doesn’t it seem arrogant to think that anybody would be interested in what I think about whatever topics happen to be on my mind and heart at any given moments? I still don’t know about that. I am not even sure anybody is reading what I am writing, even though I did give out my blog link to some friends but I did realize a couple of things:

1. Blogging helps me think about things. It helps me put my curiosity somewhat into words. But then why not journal in my more traditional paper journal? Well, I do that too some but blogging is not journaling.

2. Some of my friends blog. Some are younger than I am and some are older. And I find myself really enjoying what they write about. I am interested in what they think about and about what is important in their lives because I love these people and care about them. Some of what they write really resonates with me. No matter the topic of their blog I always feel blessed when I have read what they write in their blogs. And that is true of friends that I see and talk with on a fairly regular basis and also for those who are geographically distant. I feel closer to them in some ways. I get to glimpse at a little bit of their heart and in turn, if anybody reads my blog, they see a little piece of my heart too.

3. I think that is the main thing that got me going with blogging, the need to connect and to share. It is not that I think that what is write is brilliant or earth shattering in any way but it is a new way for me to reach out in an attempt to connect with friends and with people I may never meet in person.

4. I think people are starved for connection and meaning and deep relationships. Maybe I am projecting my thoughts and needs onto others but I do believe there are plenty of people out there feeling this way too. The world moves too fast too often. People are too busy. Too many relationships are very superficial. Families are not always geographically close...

5. I hope blogging never replaces face to face or voice to voice contacts though. A blog can't share a cup of coffee with you on a crisp autumn morning. A blog can’t give you a hug when you need one but it is one form of contact.

My hope is that my wonderings might help someone in some way. I leave that up to God.

JOY!

Sometimes joy breaks through in ways that bless and warm my heart. I’ve been fighting some bug since Monday night that makes me feel like sleeping a lot even after 7-8 hour nights. I have been taking vitamins etc… but I still feel exhausted. I was thinking to myself this morning when I got up, “God I don’t need this, I’ve got too much going on.”

Wednesday morning is when I mentor a couple of first graders, a boy and a girl, at Roosevelt Elementary. I felt so tired when I got up that I almost called to cancel but this is something I am committed to and because I am not coughing and nothing gross is coming out of me, I hope I am not contagious with anything
Mentoring is one of the bright spots in my week. The kids are all smiles when I get there. I get hugs. The little boy in particular is especially affectionate. I start with his classmate and every time he runs to me and says, “I am next, right? You are taking me next, right? You will come and get me.” I smile and reassure him that indeed he is next and that I won’t forget him. I am thinking I might see with his teacher if I can alternate back and forth whom I start with.

“It is better to give than to receive” seems so true in this case. These kids make my day.
Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matt. 10:39). This seems so counter-intuitive. How can you find something by losing it? This is not the math that we were looking at with my little friends this morning when we were doing additions.

Then something very unexpected happened. The little girl looks at the cross that I wear around my neck and says something that stuns me, “my cousin says that God is dead.” I am taken aback by the statement itself; by the timing of her statement because we are deep in addition homework then and not talking about God. She does not know I am a pastor. The other thing that takes me aback is that this 6 year old would know that the cross I wear is related to God.
I am mentoring at a public school so I think to myself “how do I respond? How do I talk about the resurrection to a 6 year old?” After a few seconds, I say, “O no, God is very much alive. He died so that we would not have to and He loves you very much.” and then I get us back to our additions homework. Whew… Part of me wants very much to tell her more. Part of me knows I can’t really do that in this context nor do I really know how to explain the deep mysteries of the resurrection and faith to a first grader. But I decide after a while that I do know how to do this and that is by showing up week after week and giving her my undivided and caring attention for the time we have together. I trust that God will make the message clear to my little friends in time.

I am still feeling like I am coming down with something but my heart is full. Life is meant to be given away in service to others. There are incredible blessings in that!

STOP IN ORDER TO MOVE FORWARD

If I remember some economics classes I took years ago in college, there is something called the law of diminishing return. Since my economics books (the ones I kept, are in a box somewhere in the basement, I decided to Google this concept. This is what Wikipedia reads:

In economics, diminishing returns is also called diminishing marginal returns or the law of diminishing returns. According to this relationship, in a production system with fixed and variable inputs (say factory size and labor), beyond some point, each additional unit of variable input yields less and less output. Conversely, producing one more unit of output costs more and more in variable inputs. This concept is also known as the law of increasing relative cost, or law of increasing opportunity cost. Although ostensibly a purely economic concept, diminishing marginal returns also implies a technological relationship. Diminishing marginal returns states that a firm's short run marginal cost curve will eventually increase.

What is true in economics is true in every day life too. There are only so many hours in a day and only so many things you can cram into it. There is a time when we work and work and get less and less done. There comes a time when the cost of working too much negatively affects what should be our most precious relationships. There is a time when not stopping long enough to rest starts affecting our mind and our body. Why do you think God created Sabbath? Why is it that this is a commandment I break way too often?

These past several weeks have been packed with things. Writing sermons, writing articles for the newsletter, visiting and talking with people, counseling sessions, getting a wedding service finalized, working on an Emmaus walk, a stewardship campaign, committee meetings, planning, on the ministry end of things.
Trying to keep up with laundry and some cleaning (OK, don’t look in the corners)… A lot of good things but too many good things. And I realize that it is after 9 pm and I have not really stopped and the past several weeks have been like that. Tuesday, I decided I had enough. I had to stop.

It had been 2 months since I got a haircut. I went to my favorite hair place and I got pampered for over an hour. Decided I wanted to have a little harmless fun so I decided to have a pink hair extension placed in my hair in support of breast cancer awareness month. (go to http://www.cancer.org/).
My husband Steve and I watched a movie that night and it felt great to just sit with one another. That movie really hit home. It’s called “Bucket List” with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. These two men, who in all likelihood should never have met, find themselves united while they fight cancer together. They realize that there are a lot of things that they wanted to do before they died so they write a list and, during a short time of remission, decide to do some of the things on the list. Steve and I talked about that. What would be on our list? Steve said he wanted to work on and drive great hot rods; travel into space…
Some of my dreams would be to travel in the U.S.; going back to France and talk with my Mom and Dad about life; go visit places like the “Mont St. Michel” (St. Michael’s Mount in Normandy) http://mont-saint-michel.monuments-nationaux.fr/en/; go to pastry chef school… Sit on a great sandy beach somewhere sunny and warm and read great books and write about life, about the healing power of God and talk with people…

We talked about that healing power tonight in Bible study. I talked but I did a lot of listening too and I felt so grateful to be with the people in our group, to hear some of their life stories and witnessing again the transforming power of God. An 11 year old neighborhood boy has been joining our group these past few weeks. He also comes to worship most Sundays, all by himself. He lives with his grandma next door to the church but she is not ready to come to worship, she says. Something to talk about. This boy is hungry for God, for affection. A parishioner bought him a new Bible this week and he proudly showed it to us, read with us, asked questions, listened… God is at work doing something good.

Hung out with our youth group last night and listened to a young lady from a local agency talk about the importance of purity and waiting till marriage. It was cool. The kids (oops, young people) told me they like my pink hair. I like it too.
My maternal grandma Dorothy died of breast cancer. My husband Steve’s Mom died of breast cancer. This little streak of pink reminds me of them and that there is hope as long as we don’t give up finding a cure for this and all cancer.

Stop… Listen…

Taking a step back in order to move forward. Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)
God, help me slow down and see you in new ways each day. Help me to really breathe and to really see and hear and smell and taste the world around me. Help me to live fully. Thank you for the awesome gift of life. Thank you for the amazing people you send in my life.

SOMETHING BETTER IS COMING!

There is a lot of talk about worry all around us, worry about the economy, about the upcoming election, about this war we don’t seem to know how to get out of and/or end.
We worry about the effect of the economy on our personal finances, with the price of everything going up, we feel the squeeze. For some of us, it is more than a squeeze. It is a genuine crisis. All the pastors I talk with report about more people showing up at their church for help. People come to talk with us about the fact that they are struggling to pay bills. Agencies like Church Community Services, here in Elkhart, Salvation Army, trustees, etc… are getting hit hard. .

As I was driving back from South Bend from a church stewardship meeting tonight, I was listening to Focus on the Family and Dr. James Dobson. He was replaying a 16 year old interview he had had with the late Larry Burkett, who was an authority on business and personal finances with over 50 books to his name. They were discussing a book he had written then titled “The Coming Economic Earthquake” which scenario sounded pretty much like what we see unfolding now.

It would be really easy to fall into despair.

As I was driving back home listening to this program, I remembered some things a pastor friend had shared recently in a sermon based on Rev. 2:8-11 and 2 Cor. 4:7-10, 16-18. Look at Matthew 6:25-34 also. That is one passage I turn to on a regular basis.
As Christians we are not immune to feelings of fears, despair or sadness but my friend reminded me again that with Jesus we have hope. I took notes, you see, because what he said was important even though I had heard what he said before, even preached on it in some form or another, but I needed to hear it again. These are the main points he made (you think you have a long-winded preacher. Got it from him :))

1. Jesus is the First and the Last Word. The Bible says He is the Alpha and the Omega
2. We have a God who is a God of resurrection and New Birth. The tomb was empty, remember? He can bring life into things that seem dead; into relationships which look too broken to be saved...
3. Jesus loves us and died for us. You know the song that sometimes we tend to discount as a simplistic kid song: “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Guess what? It’s true!
4. Fix your eyes on what is unseen, not just on what is seen. There is a greater reality than what we can see.
5. Keep the conversation going. This means with God, with people who care about us. The tendency most of us have at one time or another when life gets hard and when we hurt, is to disengage and withdraw. We stop coming to church because somehow we have this erroneous notion that church is for people who have their lives together. Are you kidding? If this were true, the church would be empty and frankly, this preacher would not be there either!
6. Turmoil is temporary. Talk with folks who have lived through the depression era or WWII and they tell you, this too shall pass. This does not mean that we don’t care and that things aren’t hard but we need to learn to put things in proper perspective.
7. Now the really good news: SOMETHING BETTER IS COMING! This brings us back to my friend's first point. Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega. The Beginning and the End!

Another thing to focus on when you feel overwhelmed and scared. Another helpful thing from my friend. I have used this when life gets a little too much, when at times I toss and turn in bed because I have a tug o’ war with God about something that is rightly His to handle but that I am trying to hold on to; when I am trying to solve the world’s problems (or it feels this way);

Now close your eyes (after you have read this of course so you know what to do)
Take several deep breaths. Now imagine walking in a forest. You come to a clearing in the woods. It is fall. But there is still a warm/cool crispness in the air. Like the kind of Indian Summer we have now. Most of the leaves are on the ground, they are beautiful red and golden, shimmering. You look around and you can see forever it seems. You hear foot steps behind you, crunching the leaves. You turn around and see someone walking towards you. You look and realize that this is Jesus walking towards you. He is smiling and carrying a duffle bag on his shoulder. He comes closer and closer and stops right in front of you, looks you straight in the eye, still smiling. He puts his bag down and opens the top. “What do you have for me?” he asks. You give him your stuff. He puts it in the bag. “Is that all?” he asks again.
Sometimes I answer yes, at other times I realize there are other things bothering me, so I continue till there is no more. Jesus closes the bag, puts the bag on his shoulder, looks at me and smiles at me one more time, turns and walks away. And you know what? My breathing slows down, my mind and heart are lighter and I fall asleep.

SOMETHING BETTER IS COMING!

Wrestling with God

Jacob wrestling with God. This text – Genesis 32:22-30 - has been with me these past couple of weeks, after we read it for our Thursday night Disciple 2 class - just rattling in my brain, and in my heart. Touching me. Doing something inside of me. It’s not the first time I’ve read it but this time is different.

Before we find Jacob wrestling with a stranger, who turns out to be God, we find him getting ready to meet his brother Esau. He has not seen him in 20 years. You remember Esau, his twin brother, the first-born -born of Rebekah and Isaac- whose birthright Jacob stole (Gen. 24:19-34). You remember his deception in getting Esau’s blessing also from their dying father Isaac (Gen. 27). Jacob’s name means “deceiver” or “heel-grabber” after all. In anger, Esau had sworn to kill Jacob. Jacob flees to his uncle Laban and he gets a big 20-year dose of his own medicine as he finds himself on the receiving end of deceit and lies at the hand of his now father-in-law Laban (Jacob has married Laban’s daughters Leah and Rachel) as he attends Laban’s flock.

And now 20 years later, God tells Jacob it’s time to go home. The two brothers are about to reunite and Esau is coming to meet Jacob accompanied by 400 men. Jacob is terrified. He and all his family will more than likely get wiped out by morning. That night, Jacob prays, really prays, a deep, remarkably vulnerable prayer. I imagine him down on his knees, prostrated, his face in the dirt. This is no flowery, pretty prayer. It’s raw. It’s coming from his gut. Ever prayed like that?
“O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, “Go back to your country and to your relatives, and I will make you prosper, I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.” (Gen. 32:9-12)

We talked about this text in our small group. Why was Jacob wrestling? I think a life of deceit and the pain stemming from that had finally caught up with him. It’s a time of testing. Wrestling and testing often happen in the dark stillness, you know; when no one else is around, when we are still enough for things to catch up with us from a day of activity: the pain we have caused, the lies we have told; the poor choices we have made; the unresolved grief… What is causing you restlessness and to toss and turn in bed at night?

Some puzzling things happen during that wrestling match:
- Jacob won’t let go of the stranger. I think Jacob comes to understand that he is dealing with God. His fight is a cry for help. He knows he needs to change and wants to change. This might be his only chance and he is desperate. The prayer above is an indication that God has been working on Jacob’s heart all these years away from home. God had never really been Jacob’s God up to that point but now things are changing. This is a conversion moment. It seems to me that conversion moments often come with pain.

- Jacob continues to hold on and daybreak is coming. The stranger tries to loosen Jacob’s grip on him by dislocating his hip. Jacob will be left with a physical reminder – a limp - of his struggle with God.
- Despite the pain, Jacob does not let go and instead asks God to bless him. Why would you ask a blessing from someone who has just hurt you? God could obviously have done more than cripple Jacob – he could have taken his life. Jacob understands that he has just been the recipient of His mercy and now he seeks God’s blessing and assurance that somehow he would overcome his brother’s wrath. I think this is Jacob’s way of asking to be given the chance to start over; to get a new life, to no longer be known as Jacob, the deceiver, the heel-grabber.

God understands what Jacob is asking and He grants his request. Jacob gets a new name – symbol of his internal change of heart - he now becomes Israel (meaning 'he struggled with God' (and lived) addition mine)

Why am I so moved by this story? I have seen and continue to see Jacob’s story in the people that I serve as a pastor. It is the most remarkable, holy, thing to see someone turn to God.
I have experienced this story, in some ways, in myself too. I can’t quite put the right words to those feelings – it’s a knowing of the heart. Through wrestling and pain, I have seen and felt growth. Through walking in faith, I have been given a new name – beloved, child of God. Yet, scars remain, some still fresh, testify to the wrestling; A reminder that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. A reminder that I can’t walk alone. It’s a new kind of strength. One the world does not understand.

Along with St. Paul, I proclaim, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

What are you struggling with? Isn’t it time to let go and let God?

It's a Wonderful Life

I sometimes talk with people who are distraught enough to think that their life does not count for much of anything and that it would have been better if they had never been born. I had such a conversation very recently. When I hear this type of talk, I think of one of my favorite movies: 1946 Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life" with James Stewart. If you have never seen this movie, Oh, you need to. It will warm your heart and renew your faith in human kind.

In this movie, James Stewart plays a big-hearted man who stepped into his father's shoes against his will and continues on the family banking and loan business. Hard economic times hit. Money is misplaced and Stewart is accused of embezzelment. The police is after him and in the middle of a snow storm, he finds himself on a bridge and decides to end it all; decides that his family and everybody else will be better off without him. He jumps but is rescued by a homeless-looking man named Clarence (a second-rate angel in training trying to get his wings) and Clarence grants Stewart's wish of never having been born. Everything in the town changes. There is more misery, more darkness... Clarence shows Stewart his life from childhood till now. Having experienced a world without him, Stewart does realize how many people he has touched for the better because he has been born; how many lives have been positively transformed. Because he was born his younger brother did not die because Stewart rescued him after he had fallen through the ice while playing. Because he was born, the pharmacist he worked for as a boy did not make a terrible mistake in mixing medications and did not end up in jail for murder; because he was born and helped a friend in financial distress, she did not end up a prostitute...

I wonder sometimes what life would be like without me in it. It's hard to imagine. Like it is just as hard to imagine death and my not being on this earth any longer (at least in the current form, I think) and I told my distraught friend about these things.

I told my friend that I believe that we are all seed planters. We don't always see the results of what we plant. I told this person that she is precious, that she is loved by Jesus and by our faith family. Her presence makes a definite positive impact on us. I, for one, am blessed that she is part of our church. I reminded her that God has a purpose for her, for each and everyone of us.

We all get discouraged at one time or another. I do get discouraged and when I do, I look at my life, at my faith journey and realize that I have friends who uphold me when my faith sometimes wavers, who care enough to tell me the truth; a partner who loves me, imperfectly certainly, but loves me, even when I am not all that lovable. I see anew that God loves me and cares for me. He has given me the awesome, hard, scary, fun, task of helping people find Jesus just as others have and continue to help me and walk with me.

If you are discouraged and don't think you matter, reach out to God, find a faith family if you don't already have one; get to know Jesus and the Word God has given us. Give yourself away in service. You will make a difference. You are meant to make a difference!

Everything Changes but there is One constant

Everything always changes it seems. The seasons, the economy, our jobs, our lives, relationships; us... The weather is turning crisper - great sleeping-with-your-window-open weather; the leaves are turning various shades of golden and red. The markets are on a roller coaster ride. Things that we might have taken for granted as true and secure aren't. Just when I think I have things and people figured out, I realize again that there are many things I don't understand. The older I get the more this last thing seems to be confirmed and I am not that old!
At a gathering of about 2000 pastors, lay delegates and guests on the Indy fairgrounds Saturday, we passed the final vote to become one Indiana Conference of the United Methodist Church where there had been a North and South Indiana Conference. I think it is a good thing. Our Bishop told us that we were meeting in the building which usually holds the sheep exhibit - How appropriate. I am glad they had cleaned out the manure before we got there!
During the gatherine, we were reminded of where we came from and admonished to look ahead.
I remembered my own journey that has enabled me to stand among this crowd, my family of faith, and I gave thanks again for them and for the One who is constant. When life goes nuts, when things move way too fast. Jesus is the rock, the anchor... Always.