Blogging

It seems like everybody is blogging these days. I was wondering when I started this a few weeks back why I blog. Doesn’t it seem arrogant to think that anybody would be interested in what I think about whatever topics happen to be on my mind and heart at any given moments? I still don’t know about that. I am not even sure anybody is reading what I am writing, even though I did give out my blog link to some friends but I did realize a couple of things:

1. Blogging helps me think about things. It helps me put my curiosity somewhat into words. But then why not journal in my more traditional paper journal? Well, I do that too some but blogging is not journaling.

2. Some of my friends blog. Some are younger than I am and some are older. And I find myself really enjoying what they write about. I am interested in what they think about and about what is important in their lives because I love these people and care about them. Some of what they write really resonates with me. No matter the topic of their blog I always feel blessed when I have read what they write in their blogs. And that is true of friends that I see and talk with on a fairly regular basis and also for those who are geographically distant. I feel closer to them in some ways. I get to glimpse at a little bit of their heart and in turn, if anybody reads my blog, they see a little piece of my heart too.

3. I think that is the main thing that got me going with blogging, the need to connect and to share. It is not that I think that what is write is brilliant or earth shattering in any way but it is a new way for me to reach out in an attempt to connect with friends and with people I may never meet in person.

4. I think people are starved for connection and meaning and deep relationships. Maybe I am projecting my thoughts and needs onto others but I do believe there are plenty of people out there feeling this way too. The world moves too fast too often. People are too busy. Too many relationships are very superficial. Families are not always geographically close...

5. I hope blogging never replaces face to face or voice to voice contacts though. A blog can't share a cup of coffee with you on a crisp autumn morning. A blog can’t give you a hug when you need one but it is one form of contact.

My hope is that my wonderings might help someone in some way. I leave that up to God.

JOY!

Sometimes joy breaks through in ways that bless and warm my heart. I’ve been fighting some bug since Monday night that makes me feel like sleeping a lot even after 7-8 hour nights. I have been taking vitamins etc… but I still feel exhausted. I was thinking to myself this morning when I got up, “God I don’t need this, I’ve got too much going on.”

Wednesday morning is when I mentor a couple of first graders, a boy and a girl, at Roosevelt Elementary. I felt so tired when I got up that I almost called to cancel but this is something I am committed to and because I am not coughing and nothing gross is coming out of me, I hope I am not contagious with anything
Mentoring is one of the bright spots in my week. The kids are all smiles when I get there. I get hugs. The little boy in particular is especially affectionate. I start with his classmate and every time he runs to me and says, “I am next, right? You are taking me next, right? You will come and get me.” I smile and reassure him that indeed he is next and that I won’t forget him. I am thinking I might see with his teacher if I can alternate back and forth whom I start with.

“It is better to give than to receive” seems so true in this case. These kids make my day.
Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matt. 10:39). This seems so counter-intuitive. How can you find something by losing it? This is not the math that we were looking at with my little friends this morning when we were doing additions.

Then something very unexpected happened. The little girl looks at the cross that I wear around my neck and says something that stuns me, “my cousin says that God is dead.” I am taken aback by the statement itself; by the timing of her statement because we are deep in addition homework then and not talking about God. She does not know I am a pastor. The other thing that takes me aback is that this 6 year old would know that the cross I wear is related to God.
I am mentoring at a public school so I think to myself “how do I respond? How do I talk about the resurrection to a 6 year old?” After a few seconds, I say, “O no, God is very much alive. He died so that we would not have to and He loves you very much.” and then I get us back to our additions homework. Whew… Part of me wants very much to tell her more. Part of me knows I can’t really do that in this context nor do I really know how to explain the deep mysteries of the resurrection and faith to a first grader. But I decide after a while that I do know how to do this and that is by showing up week after week and giving her my undivided and caring attention for the time we have together. I trust that God will make the message clear to my little friends in time.

I am still feeling like I am coming down with something but my heart is full. Life is meant to be given away in service to others. There are incredible blessings in that!

STOP IN ORDER TO MOVE FORWARD

If I remember some economics classes I took years ago in college, there is something called the law of diminishing return. Since my economics books (the ones I kept, are in a box somewhere in the basement, I decided to Google this concept. This is what Wikipedia reads:

In economics, diminishing returns is also called diminishing marginal returns or the law of diminishing returns. According to this relationship, in a production system with fixed and variable inputs (say factory size and labor), beyond some point, each additional unit of variable input yields less and less output. Conversely, producing one more unit of output costs more and more in variable inputs. This concept is also known as the law of increasing relative cost, or law of increasing opportunity cost. Although ostensibly a purely economic concept, diminishing marginal returns also implies a technological relationship. Diminishing marginal returns states that a firm's short run marginal cost curve will eventually increase.

What is true in economics is true in every day life too. There are only so many hours in a day and only so many things you can cram into it. There is a time when we work and work and get less and less done. There comes a time when the cost of working too much negatively affects what should be our most precious relationships. There is a time when not stopping long enough to rest starts affecting our mind and our body. Why do you think God created Sabbath? Why is it that this is a commandment I break way too often?

These past several weeks have been packed with things. Writing sermons, writing articles for the newsletter, visiting and talking with people, counseling sessions, getting a wedding service finalized, working on an Emmaus walk, a stewardship campaign, committee meetings, planning, on the ministry end of things.
Trying to keep up with laundry and some cleaning (OK, don’t look in the corners)… A lot of good things but too many good things. And I realize that it is after 9 pm and I have not really stopped and the past several weeks have been like that. Tuesday, I decided I had enough. I had to stop.

It had been 2 months since I got a haircut. I went to my favorite hair place and I got pampered for over an hour. Decided I wanted to have a little harmless fun so I decided to have a pink hair extension placed in my hair in support of breast cancer awareness month. (go to http://www.cancer.org/).
My husband Steve and I watched a movie that night and it felt great to just sit with one another. That movie really hit home. It’s called “Bucket List” with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. These two men, who in all likelihood should never have met, find themselves united while they fight cancer together. They realize that there are a lot of things that they wanted to do before they died so they write a list and, during a short time of remission, decide to do some of the things on the list. Steve and I talked about that. What would be on our list? Steve said he wanted to work on and drive great hot rods; travel into space…
Some of my dreams would be to travel in the U.S.; going back to France and talk with my Mom and Dad about life; go visit places like the “Mont St. Michel” (St. Michael’s Mount in Normandy) http://mont-saint-michel.monuments-nationaux.fr/en/; go to pastry chef school… Sit on a great sandy beach somewhere sunny and warm and read great books and write about life, about the healing power of God and talk with people…

We talked about that healing power tonight in Bible study. I talked but I did a lot of listening too and I felt so grateful to be with the people in our group, to hear some of their life stories and witnessing again the transforming power of God. An 11 year old neighborhood boy has been joining our group these past few weeks. He also comes to worship most Sundays, all by himself. He lives with his grandma next door to the church but she is not ready to come to worship, she says. Something to talk about. This boy is hungry for God, for affection. A parishioner bought him a new Bible this week and he proudly showed it to us, read with us, asked questions, listened… God is at work doing something good.

Hung out with our youth group last night and listened to a young lady from a local agency talk about the importance of purity and waiting till marriage. It was cool. The kids (oops, young people) told me they like my pink hair. I like it too.
My maternal grandma Dorothy died of breast cancer. My husband Steve’s Mom died of breast cancer. This little streak of pink reminds me of them and that there is hope as long as we don’t give up finding a cure for this and all cancer.

Stop… Listen…

Taking a step back in order to move forward. Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)
God, help me slow down and see you in new ways each day. Help me to really breathe and to really see and hear and smell and taste the world around me. Help me to live fully. Thank you for the awesome gift of life. Thank you for the amazing people you send in my life.

SOMETHING BETTER IS COMING!

There is a lot of talk about worry all around us, worry about the economy, about the upcoming election, about this war we don’t seem to know how to get out of and/or end.
We worry about the effect of the economy on our personal finances, with the price of everything going up, we feel the squeeze. For some of us, it is more than a squeeze. It is a genuine crisis. All the pastors I talk with report about more people showing up at their church for help. People come to talk with us about the fact that they are struggling to pay bills. Agencies like Church Community Services, here in Elkhart, Salvation Army, trustees, etc… are getting hit hard. .

As I was driving back from South Bend from a church stewardship meeting tonight, I was listening to Focus on the Family and Dr. James Dobson. He was replaying a 16 year old interview he had had with the late Larry Burkett, who was an authority on business and personal finances with over 50 books to his name. They were discussing a book he had written then titled “The Coming Economic Earthquake” which scenario sounded pretty much like what we see unfolding now.

It would be really easy to fall into despair.

As I was driving back home listening to this program, I remembered some things a pastor friend had shared recently in a sermon based on Rev. 2:8-11 and 2 Cor. 4:7-10, 16-18. Look at Matthew 6:25-34 also. That is one passage I turn to on a regular basis.
As Christians we are not immune to feelings of fears, despair or sadness but my friend reminded me again that with Jesus we have hope. I took notes, you see, because what he said was important even though I had heard what he said before, even preached on it in some form or another, but I needed to hear it again. These are the main points he made (you think you have a long-winded preacher. Got it from him :))

1. Jesus is the First and the Last Word. The Bible says He is the Alpha and the Omega
2. We have a God who is a God of resurrection and New Birth. The tomb was empty, remember? He can bring life into things that seem dead; into relationships which look too broken to be saved...
3. Jesus loves us and died for us. You know the song that sometimes we tend to discount as a simplistic kid song: “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Guess what? It’s true!
4. Fix your eyes on what is unseen, not just on what is seen. There is a greater reality than what we can see.
5. Keep the conversation going. This means with God, with people who care about us. The tendency most of us have at one time or another when life gets hard and when we hurt, is to disengage and withdraw. We stop coming to church because somehow we have this erroneous notion that church is for people who have their lives together. Are you kidding? If this were true, the church would be empty and frankly, this preacher would not be there either!
6. Turmoil is temporary. Talk with folks who have lived through the depression era or WWII and they tell you, this too shall pass. This does not mean that we don’t care and that things aren’t hard but we need to learn to put things in proper perspective.
7. Now the really good news: SOMETHING BETTER IS COMING! This brings us back to my friend's first point. Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega. The Beginning and the End!

Another thing to focus on when you feel overwhelmed and scared. Another helpful thing from my friend. I have used this when life gets a little too much, when at times I toss and turn in bed because I have a tug o’ war with God about something that is rightly His to handle but that I am trying to hold on to; when I am trying to solve the world’s problems (or it feels this way);

Now close your eyes (after you have read this of course so you know what to do)
Take several deep breaths. Now imagine walking in a forest. You come to a clearing in the woods. It is fall. But there is still a warm/cool crispness in the air. Like the kind of Indian Summer we have now. Most of the leaves are on the ground, they are beautiful red and golden, shimmering. You look around and you can see forever it seems. You hear foot steps behind you, crunching the leaves. You turn around and see someone walking towards you. You look and realize that this is Jesus walking towards you. He is smiling and carrying a duffle bag on his shoulder. He comes closer and closer and stops right in front of you, looks you straight in the eye, still smiling. He puts his bag down and opens the top. “What do you have for me?” he asks. You give him your stuff. He puts it in the bag. “Is that all?” he asks again.
Sometimes I answer yes, at other times I realize there are other things bothering me, so I continue till there is no more. Jesus closes the bag, puts the bag on his shoulder, looks at me and smiles at me one more time, turns and walks away. And you know what? My breathing slows down, my mind and heart are lighter and I fall asleep.

SOMETHING BETTER IS COMING!

Wrestling with God

Jacob wrestling with God. This text – Genesis 32:22-30 - has been with me these past couple of weeks, after we read it for our Thursday night Disciple 2 class - just rattling in my brain, and in my heart. Touching me. Doing something inside of me. It’s not the first time I’ve read it but this time is different.

Before we find Jacob wrestling with a stranger, who turns out to be God, we find him getting ready to meet his brother Esau. He has not seen him in 20 years. You remember Esau, his twin brother, the first-born -born of Rebekah and Isaac- whose birthright Jacob stole (Gen. 24:19-34). You remember his deception in getting Esau’s blessing also from their dying father Isaac (Gen. 27). Jacob’s name means “deceiver” or “heel-grabber” after all. In anger, Esau had sworn to kill Jacob. Jacob flees to his uncle Laban and he gets a big 20-year dose of his own medicine as he finds himself on the receiving end of deceit and lies at the hand of his now father-in-law Laban (Jacob has married Laban’s daughters Leah and Rachel) as he attends Laban’s flock.

And now 20 years later, God tells Jacob it’s time to go home. The two brothers are about to reunite and Esau is coming to meet Jacob accompanied by 400 men. Jacob is terrified. He and all his family will more than likely get wiped out by morning. That night, Jacob prays, really prays, a deep, remarkably vulnerable prayer. I imagine him down on his knees, prostrated, his face in the dirt. This is no flowery, pretty prayer. It’s raw. It’s coming from his gut. Ever prayed like that?
“O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, “Go back to your country and to your relatives, and I will make you prosper, I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.” (Gen. 32:9-12)

We talked about this text in our small group. Why was Jacob wrestling? I think a life of deceit and the pain stemming from that had finally caught up with him. It’s a time of testing. Wrestling and testing often happen in the dark stillness, you know; when no one else is around, when we are still enough for things to catch up with us from a day of activity: the pain we have caused, the lies we have told; the poor choices we have made; the unresolved grief… What is causing you restlessness and to toss and turn in bed at night?

Some puzzling things happen during that wrestling match:
- Jacob won’t let go of the stranger. I think Jacob comes to understand that he is dealing with God. His fight is a cry for help. He knows he needs to change and wants to change. This might be his only chance and he is desperate. The prayer above is an indication that God has been working on Jacob’s heart all these years away from home. God had never really been Jacob’s God up to that point but now things are changing. This is a conversion moment. It seems to me that conversion moments often come with pain.

- Jacob continues to hold on and daybreak is coming. The stranger tries to loosen Jacob’s grip on him by dislocating his hip. Jacob will be left with a physical reminder – a limp - of his struggle with God.
- Despite the pain, Jacob does not let go and instead asks God to bless him. Why would you ask a blessing from someone who has just hurt you? God could obviously have done more than cripple Jacob – he could have taken his life. Jacob understands that he has just been the recipient of His mercy and now he seeks God’s blessing and assurance that somehow he would overcome his brother’s wrath. I think this is Jacob’s way of asking to be given the chance to start over; to get a new life, to no longer be known as Jacob, the deceiver, the heel-grabber.

God understands what Jacob is asking and He grants his request. Jacob gets a new name – symbol of his internal change of heart - he now becomes Israel (meaning 'he struggled with God' (and lived) addition mine)

Why am I so moved by this story? I have seen and continue to see Jacob’s story in the people that I serve as a pastor. It is the most remarkable, holy, thing to see someone turn to God.
I have experienced this story, in some ways, in myself too. I can’t quite put the right words to those feelings – it’s a knowing of the heart. Through wrestling and pain, I have seen and felt growth. Through walking in faith, I have been given a new name – beloved, child of God. Yet, scars remain, some still fresh, testify to the wrestling; A reminder that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. A reminder that I can’t walk alone. It’s a new kind of strength. One the world does not understand.

Along with St. Paul, I proclaim, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

What are you struggling with? Isn’t it time to let go and let God?

It's a Wonderful Life

I sometimes talk with people who are distraught enough to think that their life does not count for much of anything and that it would have been better if they had never been born. I had such a conversation very recently. When I hear this type of talk, I think of one of my favorite movies: 1946 Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life" with James Stewart. If you have never seen this movie, Oh, you need to. It will warm your heart and renew your faith in human kind.

In this movie, James Stewart plays a big-hearted man who stepped into his father's shoes against his will and continues on the family banking and loan business. Hard economic times hit. Money is misplaced and Stewart is accused of embezzelment. The police is after him and in the middle of a snow storm, he finds himself on a bridge and decides to end it all; decides that his family and everybody else will be better off without him. He jumps but is rescued by a homeless-looking man named Clarence (a second-rate angel in training trying to get his wings) and Clarence grants Stewart's wish of never having been born. Everything in the town changes. There is more misery, more darkness... Clarence shows Stewart his life from childhood till now. Having experienced a world without him, Stewart does realize how many people he has touched for the better because he has been born; how many lives have been positively transformed. Because he was born his younger brother did not die because Stewart rescued him after he had fallen through the ice while playing. Because he was born, the pharmacist he worked for as a boy did not make a terrible mistake in mixing medications and did not end up in jail for murder; because he was born and helped a friend in financial distress, she did not end up a prostitute...

I wonder sometimes what life would be like without me in it. It's hard to imagine. Like it is just as hard to imagine death and my not being on this earth any longer (at least in the current form, I think) and I told my distraught friend about these things.

I told my friend that I believe that we are all seed planters. We don't always see the results of what we plant. I told this person that she is precious, that she is loved by Jesus and by our faith family. Her presence makes a definite positive impact on us. I, for one, am blessed that she is part of our church. I reminded her that God has a purpose for her, for each and everyone of us.

We all get discouraged at one time or another. I do get discouraged and when I do, I look at my life, at my faith journey and realize that I have friends who uphold me when my faith sometimes wavers, who care enough to tell me the truth; a partner who loves me, imperfectly certainly, but loves me, even when I am not all that lovable. I see anew that God loves me and cares for me. He has given me the awesome, hard, scary, fun, task of helping people find Jesus just as others have and continue to help me and walk with me.

If you are discouraged and don't think you matter, reach out to God, find a faith family if you don't already have one; get to know Jesus and the Word God has given us. Give yourself away in service. You will make a difference. You are meant to make a difference!

Everything Changes but there is One constant

Everything always changes it seems. The seasons, the economy, our jobs, our lives, relationships; us... The weather is turning crisper - great sleeping-with-your-window-open weather; the leaves are turning various shades of golden and red. The markets are on a roller coaster ride. Things that we might have taken for granted as true and secure aren't. Just when I think I have things and people figured out, I realize again that there are many things I don't understand. The older I get the more this last thing seems to be confirmed and I am not that old!
At a gathering of about 2000 pastors, lay delegates and guests on the Indy fairgrounds Saturday, we passed the final vote to become one Indiana Conference of the United Methodist Church where there had been a North and South Indiana Conference. I think it is a good thing. Our Bishop told us that we were meeting in the building which usually holds the sheep exhibit - How appropriate. I am glad they had cleaned out the manure before we got there!
During the gatherine, we were reminded of where we came from and admonished to look ahead.
I remembered my own journey that has enabled me to stand among this crowd, my family of faith, and I gave thanks again for them and for the One who is constant. When life goes nuts, when things move way too fast. Jesus is the rock, the anchor... Always.