Wrestling with God

Jacob wrestling with God. This text – Genesis 32:22-30 - has been with me these past couple of weeks, after we read it for our Thursday night Disciple 2 class - just rattling in my brain, and in my heart. Touching me. Doing something inside of me. It’s not the first time I’ve read it but this time is different.

Before we find Jacob wrestling with a stranger, who turns out to be God, we find him getting ready to meet his brother Esau. He has not seen him in 20 years. You remember Esau, his twin brother, the first-born -born of Rebekah and Isaac- whose birthright Jacob stole (Gen. 24:19-34). You remember his deception in getting Esau’s blessing also from their dying father Isaac (Gen. 27). Jacob’s name means “deceiver” or “heel-grabber” after all. In anger, Esau had sworn to kill Jacob. Jacob flees to his uncle Laban and he gets a big 20-year dose of his own medicine as he finds himself on the receiving end of deceit and lies at the hand of his now father-in-law Laban (Jacob has married Laban’s daughters Leah and Rachel) as he attends Laban’s flock.

And now 20 years later, God tells Jacob it’s time to go home. The two brothers are about to reunite and Esau is coming to meet Jacob accompanied by 400 men. Jacob is terrified. He and all his family will more than likely get wiped out by morning. That night, Jacob prays, really prays, a deep, remarkably vulnerable prayer. I imagine him down on his knees, prostrated, his face in the dirt. This is no flowery, pretty prayer. It’s raw. It’s coming from his gut. Ever prayed like that?
“O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, “Go back to your country and to your relatives, and I will make you prosper, I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, ‘I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.” (Gen. 32:9-12)

We talked about this text in our small group. Why was Jacob wrestling? I think a life of deceit and the pain stemming from that had finally caught up with him. It’s a time of testing. Wrestling and testing often happen in the dark stillness, you know; when no one else is around, when we are still enough for things to catch up with us from a day of activity: the pain we have caused, the lies we have told; the poor choices we have made; the unresolved grief… What is causing you restlessness and to toss and turn in bed at night?

Some puzzling things happen during that wrestling match:
- Jacob won’t let go of the stranger. I think Jacob comes to understand that he is dealing with God. His fight is a cry for help. He knows he needs to change and wants to change. This might be his only chance and he is desperate. The prayer above is an indication that God has been working on Jacob’s heart all these years away from home. God had never really been Jacob’s God up to that point but now things are changing. This is a conversion moment. It seems to me that conversion moments often come with pain.

- Jacob continues to hold on and daybreak is coming. The stranger tries to loosen Jacob’s grip on him by dislocating his hip. Jacob will be left with a physical reminder – a limp - of his struggle with God.
- Despite the pain, Jacob does not let go and instead asks God to bless him. Why would you ask a blessing from someone who has just hurt you? God could obviously have done more than cripple Jacob – he could have taken his life. Jacob understands that he has just been the recipient of His mercy and now he seeks God’s blessing and assurance that somehow he would overcome his brother’s wrath. I think this is Jacob’s way of asking to be given the chance to start over; to get a new life, to no longer be known as Jacob, the deceiver, the heel-grabber.

God understands what Jacob is asking and He grants his request. Jacob gets a new name – symbol of his internal change of heart - he now becomes Israel (meaning 'he struggled with God' (and lived) addition mine)

Why am I so moved by this story? I have seen and continue to see Jacob’s story in the people that I serve as a pastor. It is the most remarkable, holy, thing to see someone turn to God.
I have experienced this story, in some ways, in myself too. I can’t quite put the right words to those feelings – it’s a knowing of the heart. Through wrestling and pain, I have seen and felt growth. Through walking in faith, I have been given a new name – beloved, child of God. Yet, scars remain, some still fresh, testify to the wrestling; A reminder that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. A reminder that I can’t walk alone. It’s a new kind of strength. One the world does not understand.

Along with St. Paul, I proclaim, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

What are you struggling with? Isn’t it time to let go and let God?